Cancer, Faith, and Unexpected Joy by Becky Baudouin

Author:Becky Baudouin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Kregel Publications
Published: 2017-09-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 21

Letting Go

Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

2 CORINTHIANS 4:16–18 NLT

I expected that watching my mom die would be incredibly hard, and it is. But I didn’t expect the sorrow to be laced with beauty. In some ways it reminds me of childbirth: the progression; the anxious waiting; asking the doctors, “How much longer?”; and the passing from one home to another. I see my mom being born into heaven.

These last days with her are lived in another realm, somewhere between this life and the next. Extended family members and friends come to visit, and those who live too far away call to talk to her one last time on the phone. Aunt Carol calls, and she and my mom sing their two-part harmony song, “Strolling Along,” for the last time. Not everyone has the chance to say good-bye like this, and sometimes, because it is so difficult to accept what is really happening, loved ones may not feel that they can talk openly about the reality of impending death and loss.

But Mom makes it not so difficult. Because she is able to accept what is happening, name it, and encourage us to do the same, we all have opportunities to say everything we want to say. It is heartbreaking, but it is a gift. When Bernie and the girls arrive at the hospital Sunday morning, I speak to them very candidly about what Mom has said.

“Grandma told me this morning that she knows she is dying. She is not going to get better, and she is not going to go back to her apartment. She is going to go to heaven, and this is our chance to say good-bye to her. This is your chance to tell her how you feel, how much you love her, and what she means to you.”

And so they come into her room, and one by one, they sit with my mom and hug her. They cry their tears and speak their words; they say their good-byes. Kari has to leave the room because the sorrow is so great, but it is an immensely important thing for all of us to do.

Seizing the moment to impart some wisdom to her granddaughters, Mom gives the girls some final words of advice, things she feels are most important. “Stay close to Jesus, always. Walk with him every day. He will help you through everything that happens in your lives. And whenever you hear the national anthem being played, stand tall and place your hand over your heart. Sing it proudly, and remember how blessed you are to live in freedom.

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